Gifts and Guilt - Let It Go!
There are very few things that make you feel as bad as disappointing someone who gives you a gift, especially a gift that you absolutely won’t use, don’t like, is the wrong size, or the worst color that has ever been created. I’ve been the recipient of many gifts that don’t fit the bill, and the guilt that goes with it is sometimes overwhelming. Sometimes I can hide my emotions. I try to smile, or say how much I love the gift, but my voice sounds stained and unnatural. When it happens in real time (not opening it up alone at home or opening it in a different state), my natural reaction is obvious. “I don’t like it.” The next thought is, what should I do with it?
Time and time again, I’ve received things that completely miss the mark. I don’t know why people think I like turtleneck sweaters (I look terrible in them!) but receiving them is a regular occurrence. Receiving unwanted gifts is frustrating, awkward, and time-consuming. It is also additional clutter.
There are always questions that go with deciding whether to return a gift. Will I hurt someone’s feelings? Will they notice that I don’t own the gift anymore? Should I regift it? (I’ve seen horror stories around this one!) Should I try to take it back? Will the giver know that I returned it, and find the return on their credit card statement? Will I be able to live with myself it they do? Nightmare. "Sometimes when we give away a present, we feel like we're giving away the person," says Elsa Jewett, a Feng Shui consultant based in Denver. Remind yourself it's just an object.
Let it go.
The History of Gift-Giving
Though giving gifts has likely been around since the dawn of civilization, the traditions, and meanings that we associate with gift-giving today have evolved considerably over time. Some give gifts to show love, as pioneered by author Gary Chapman in 5 love languages. Others give as a sense of obligation. Whatever the reason, and whatever the meaning behind it, gift-giving often causes as much distress for the giver as it does the receiver.
What to do about it? Well, I have taken a cue from someone I love and trust, and someone who has taught me to let go of the gift. Instead of keeping it and saying that I love whatever I’ve been given, I follow in the tradition of my friend. I thank the giver. Then, I make a silent decision whether to keep it or let it go.
My friend and her mother have made a pact. The pact is that when receiving a gift from each other, there are no hard feelings if it doesn’t work out, there is no guilt, and the receiver of the gift is free to do with it as she chooses. If she loves it, she keeps it. If not, she is free to return it, give it away, or donate it. They perceive the intent to be the most important aspect of the experience of gift-giving. I love it!
Is the gift additional clutter?
The next time you receive a gift, think about whether the gift has meaning to you or whether it just becomes additional clutter for the receiver. If you receive a gift, and it feels like clutter, let it go. No guilt - a donation that someone else will love.
Maybe, in these days of materialism, experiences are the better play. Maybe a night out to dinner, or an additional babysitting session is a more meaningful gift than a new jacket or sweater. With so many of us working from home these days, there are fewer and fewer opportunities to dress up. Maybe contributing money to a college fund instead of purchasing a toy is a better decision. Dig deep.
The last thing you need to give is something the other person doesn’t need or want. It just adds to the heap of clutter they’re trying to keep organized. Be thoughtful in your gift-giving. Remember, we want the gifts we give to be meaningful both to the giver and the receiver. And not every gift has to be a material possession. The gifts of time and kindness go a long way. To consider other ideas, please see our Random Acts of Kindness Deck at our sister site, Hack Decks™.